Portrait: Maia
I suffered a severe brain hemorrhage on the 4th of November 2022. I’m from London and at the time of the brain injury, I was working as a youth empowerment worker, bar supervisor and a poet and actress...
A little bit about Maia
My name’s Maia and I suffered a severe brain hemorrhage on the 4th of November 2022. I’m from London and at the time of the brain injury, I was working as a youth empowerment worker, bar supervisor and a poet and actress.
A subarachnoid brain hemorrhage is what the diagnosis was. The pain was horrendous: I felt like I’d been hit over the head with a hammer, whilst standing in the shower. I had emergency surgery where they went through my groin to get to the brain rupture. Because of that, I couldn’t walk for a long time and was told my recovery would be lifelong.
Symptoms that impact me the most
For a while, I couldn’t walk at all, and when I was able to finally move and get some feeling back, I had cramps, numbness, and pain in my legs. I’ve had to rely on crutches for well over a year due to issues with balance and walking. I’ve had a few falls when travelling, especially when walking up the stairs. Whilst I use the crutches for assistance, sometimes my brain doesn’t align with my thoughts when it comes to basic movements and activities, so this has been hard. I’m not as active as I used to be and couldn’t drive or use the gym for a very long time.
The mental side of things such as paranoia, anxiety, depression and having to explain things to people all the time has been a struggle. Managing these feelings and symptoms is probably the hardest thing, as I’ve had to change my outlook on life and come to terms with living with a brain injury.
The loss of memory, cognitive skills, fatigue, sensory overload and migraines has been a lot to come to terms with. There have been times where I’ve bumped into someone I’ve apparently worked with or knew, but I couldn’t remember their names or who they were, which has caused some embarrassment and stress. I’ve also forgotten a lot of my poems and find it extra hard to learn lines for acting auditions when I’m able to do them.
My ongoing recovery
The health specialists I’m involved with are the physiotherapist and the psychological well-being practitioner. I also have regular head scans and meetings with my surgeon. After having a second brain procedure in 2023, they found a new bleed in the brain which is stable, but needs to be monitored in case of any movement or growth.
The things I enjoy doing most now are resting, performing, writing poetry, meditating, using the gym, yin yoga, sound baths and doing reiki healing. Reiki was something that really helped me with managing the pain and mental strain of this recovery, so I decided to learn it and have completed level one and two courses.
Living a more wholesome and holistic life has really helped me, as well as leaving some things in the past that didn’t serve me well. Being more grateful and finding blessings in the ordinary is something I take pride in.
My support system
Many family and close friends have been a big support, and my personal trainer and physiotherapist have also given me the confidence to do things more independently without feeling overwhelmed and scared all the time. The brain injury charity Headway have been supportive, especially on days where I’ve felt depressed and anxious. There’s always someone to talk to and group sessions to attend where I’ve met some inspiring brain injury thrivers. My psychological well-being practitioner has also been a great support when assisting me with the tools needed for brain health management.
My biggest achievement
The most successful part of this brain recovery journey has been to use and feel my legs. I still need the crutches and get aches and pains when standing and walking, but I’m so happy that I can drive and be more independent. The fact that I’m still alive makes me feel eternally grateful.
What’s been missing from my recovery
The lack of awareness and aftercare when leaving the hospital has been a noticeable gap in my recovery. I found the transition very hard as I felt alone and paranoid. My family and I were not educated on the after effects of this trauma. Once finding out about the practical and mental help that was available, that did make things a bit easier, but the waiting lists were quite long. I think the NHS is great during emergencies and I’m very grateful, but I do think the aftercare needs to be more efficient.
There are so many side effects of brain injury that I didn’t know about until going home and adjusting to the ‘real world’ that really put me on edge and enhanced the trauma. I had to take medication every two hours for 21 days, and being deprived of sleep and experiencing nightmares due to the various medications is just one example of the distressing things I had to deal with. If these things were addressed before being discharged, I think I would have adjusted a little better to home life.
Advice to other survivors
The advice I’d give to other survivors is to be kind to yourselves and know that there is support out there. Don’t be afraid to seek or accept help. I’d also say that rest and prioritizing health is key and to not be hard on yourselves if your mental or physical health has some struggles. My advice for caregivers is that they must take care of themselves to help others. Sometimes brain injury survivors feel ignored, so having a caregiver who listens without judgement can make a big difference.
Maia Watkins – Surviving a Brain Hemorrhage (poem extract)
These ups and downs could make me feel paro but I trust in God that I’ll continue to see tomorrow. My health’s been tested, yet I stay up-full and rested.
Link to Maia's poetry book